CALLING UP THE HARES:

THE HAIRS OF DICKIE DI DO

CHORUS:

AND THE HAIRS (AND THE HAIRS)

AND THE HAIRS OF HER DICKEY DI-DO

HUNG DOWN TO HER KNEES.

VERSES:

ONE BLACK ONE, ONE WHITE ONE

AND ONE WITH A LITTLE SHITE ON

AND ONE WITH A LITTLE LIGHT ON

TO SHOW US THE WAY.

I’VE SMELT IT, I’VE FELT IT, IT’S JUST LIKE BLUE VELVET

YOU’D NEED A COAL MINER TO FIND HER VAGINA

I’VE TOUCHED IT, I’VE LICKED IT, IT TASTES JUST LIKE BRISKET

I FOLDED HER LIPS BACK AND THERE FOUND A SIX PACK

I REACHED INTO HER THING AND THERE FOUND MY CLASS RING

SHE’S NOT A GREAT LOOKER, BUT EVERYONE TOOK HER

I’VE LICKED IT AND KISSED IT, IT TASTES LIKE A BISCUIT.

HER VAGINA WAS SQUISHY, AND SMELLED A BIT FISHY

SHE MIGHT BE FROM NEW HAVEN CUZ THE SHIT WASN’T SHAVEN

HER CAT’S NAME IS BORIS, WHO PLAYS WITH HER CLITORIS

SHE SLEPT WITH A DEMON, WHO DROWNED HER WITH SEMEN

I’VE SEEN IT, I’VE SEEN IT, AND I’VE LAIN RIGHT IN BETWEEN IT.

I STROKED ‘EM AND POKED ‘EM, I ROLLED ‘EM AND SMOKED ‘EM.

HER HAIRS WERE SO TANGLED, HER FIRST BORN WAS STRANGLED

SHE MARRIED AN ITALIAN, WITH BALLS LIKE A STALLION

SHE DIVORCED THE ITALIAN, AND MARRIED THE STALLION

SHE WENT WITH A HASH HOUSE HARRIER, WHO FUCKED HER BUT WOULDN’T MARRY HER.

SHORT SONGS:

FUCK A DUCK

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck a Duck,
Screw a Kangaroo.
69 a Porcupine,
Orgy at the Zoo…

—

Fucking drink it Down, Down, Down, Down

MY DNA

Young Girl,
I like it when you do down,
I said, “YOUNG GIRL!”
Won’t you kneel on the ground,
I said Young Girl,
With your lips full and round,
On your knees you make me Happy.

—

I want to spray you with My DNA…
I want to spray you with My DNA…
It’s a present from me,
a gift to all of the girls
I sure hope you like to wear some facial pearls.
Drink it down, down, down, Down…

WE GOT VIRGINS

We’ve got virgins,
We’ve got virgins,

—

At our hash,
At our hash,

—

Gonna get ’em drunked up,
Gonna get ’em fucked up,

—

Down the hatch,
Up the ass.

SHITTY TRAIL

S-H-I, T-T-Y,
T-R-A-I-L,
Shitty trail, (It sucked!)
Shitty trail, (It blew!)
I’d rather drink a bucket of warm fucking vomit,
Than run your shitty trail,
S-H-I, T-T-Y,
T-R-A-I-L.

FINGER IN YOUR BEER

How would, you like, my finger in your ear?
How would, you like, my finger in your ear?
Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely!

—

How would, you like, my finger in your rear?
How would, you like, my finger in your rear?
Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely!

—

How would, you like, my finger in your beer?
How would, you like, my finger in your beer?
Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely!

HE’S THE MEANEST

HE’S THE MEANEST

HE SUCKS THE HORSES PENIS

HES THE MEANEST

HES A HORSES ASS

—

EVERY SINCE HE FOUND IT

ALL HE DOES IS POUND IT

HE’S THE MEANEST

HE’S A HORSES ASS

HERE’S TO BROTHER HASHER

Here’s to brother hasher,
Bother hasher, brother hasher,
Here’s to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.

—

He’s happy, he’s jolly,
He’s fucked up by golly,
Here’s to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.

—

So drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,

—

Here’s to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.

MY NAME IS JACK

My name is Jack (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
I’m a necrophiliac (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
I fuck dead women (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
And I fill ’em full of jism (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah).
I get frustrated (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
When they’re cremated (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
Cause try as I must (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
I can’t fuck dust!

B-I-M-B-O

B-I-M-B-O,
B-I-M-B-O,
B-I-M-B-O,
And BIMBO was her name oh

PISSANYA

Pissanya, Pissanya, Pissanya,
In Russian it means “I love you,”
If I had my way I’d pissanya all day,
Pissanya, Pissanya, Pissanya.

—

Shittanya, Shittanya, Shittanya,
In Russian it means “I adore you,”
If I had my way I’d shittanya all day,
Shittanya, shittanya, shittanya.

—

Cummanya, Cummanya, Cummanya,
In Russian it means “I need you,”
If I had my way, I’d Cummanya all day,
Cummanya, Cummanya, Cummanya.

LOVE ME TENDER

Love me tender, love me sweet,
Wrap your lips around my meat.
Hold me close and watch me grin,
As I dribble …

MASTURBATION

Masturbation, he loves masturbation,
Masturbation, he loves to beat his meat!

HOT VAGINA

Hot vagina for your breakfast,
Hot vagina for your lunch,
Hot vagina for your dinner,
It’s munch, munch, munch, munch, munch.

—

It’s so tasty and nutritious,
Bite-size and ready to eat,
So take a tip, go eat some clit;
Hot vagina can’t be beat.

TASTES LIKE SHIT

If your girlfriend tastes like shit, flip her over,
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, flip her over,
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, you’re licking her asshole not her clit,
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, flip her over.

VARIANT:

If your boyfriend tastes like shit, he’s a homo,
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, he’s a homo,
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, he’s definitely packing it,
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, he’s a homo.

MRS. MURPHY

TAKE IT IN YOUR MOUTH MRS. MURPHY

FOR IT ONLY WEIGHS A QUARTER OF A POUND

IT’S GOT HAIR ON ITS NECK LIKE A TURKEY

AND IT SPITS WHEN YOU RUB IT UP AND DOWN

OH, TAKE IT BETWEEN YOUR LEGS, MRS. MURPHY

IT IS JUST ACHING TO CRAWL INSIDE

IT HAS A HELMET ON ITS HEAD LIKE A SOLDIER

AND IT WILL SHOOT ALL ITS AMMO THEN FUCKING DIE

OH, TAKE IT BETWEEN YOUR BREASTS, MRS. MURPHY

AND LOOK IT STRAIGHT IN ITS ONE EYE

IT WILL LIE AT PEACE BETWEEN YOUR BOSOM

UNTIL FINALLY MILK-TEARS MAKE YOU CRY

LICKING ON MY CLIT (DO WAH DIDDY DIDDY)

THERE HE WAS JUST A LICKING ON MY CLIT

SINGING AH AH-AH AH-AH AH-AH AH-AH AH-AH AH

GRABBING MY ASS AND SUCKING ON MY TIT

SINGING AH AH-AH AH-AH AH-AH AH-AH AH-AH AH

HE LICKED HARD (HE LICKED HARD)

HE LICKED SOFT (HE LICKED SOFT)

HE LICKED HARD, HE LICKED SOFT

BUT HE COULDN’T GET ME OFF!

IT’S A SMALL DICK

WELL IT’S NOT TOO LONG AND IT’S NOT TOO THINK,

IT GETS HARD TOO SLOW AND IT CUMS TOO QUICK,

IT GETS LOST IN HER TWAT BUT IT’S ALL THAT HE’S GOT,

IT’S A SMALL, SMALL DICK.

IT’S A SMALL DICK AFTER ALL,

ALWAYS LIMP FROM ALCOHOL,

IT’S A SMALL, SMALL DICK!

WIGGLE IF HER ASS

OH, THE NIPPLES ON HER TITS

ARE AS BIG AS YOUR THUMB

AND THE WIGGLE OF HER ASS

WOULD MAKE A DEAD MAN CUM

SHE’S A MEAN MOTHERFUCKER

SHE’S A GREAT COCK SUCKER

SHE’S A HARRIETTE

THAT’S BUKAKE

WHEN A LOAD HITS YOUR EYE AND SURROUNDED BY GUYS,

THAT’S BUKAKE

WHEN YOU’RE STUCK TO THE FLOOR AND YOU JUST WANT

SOME MORE …

THAT’S BUKAKE

WHEN YOUR STOMACH’S ALL WARM CUZ IT’S

COVERED IN SPERM …

THAT’S BUKAKE

WHEN YOUR VAGINA IS FREE CUZ YOU’RE

STOCKED WITH PLAN B ….

THAT’S BUKAKE

ODE TO JOY

HOW MUCH BEER HAS HE BEEN DRINKING

HE IS LOOKING REALLY LIT

AS WE STAND HERE ARE WE THINKING

DO WE REALLY GIVE A SHIT

WHO’S THIS WANKER, SO UNSEEMINGLY

THAT HIS MOM WOULD SURELY FROWN

GRAB THAT BEER AND HOLD IT FIRMLY

AS YOU DRINK IT DOWN, DOWN, DOWN

YOUR HAND WAS MADE TO STROKE MY GLAND

THIS HAND IS YOUR HAND,

THIS GLAND IS MY GLAND,

SO RUN IT SLOWLY,

TO MAKE MY THING STAND,

LET’S PLAY FOREVER,

WE’LL CUM TOGETHER,

YOUR HAND WAS MADE TO STROKE MY GLAND!

A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS

DILDOS AND VIBRATORS AND VASELINE JELLY,

THAT’S WHAT I USE TO SET FIRE IN MY BELLY.

IN AND OUT, UP AND DOWN MAKING ME WET

THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS

MEN ARE USELESS!

I DON’T NEED THEM!

I’M THE BEST I’VE HAD.

I SIMPLY REMEMBER MY FAVORITE THINGS,

AND THAT’S WHEN IT FEELS SO GRAND!

SHE’S A LITTLE SEXPOT

SHE’S A LITTLE SEXPOT;

SHORT AND HOT.

HER ARE HER TITTIES;

HERE’S HER G-SPOT.

WHEN SHE GETS HORNY,

HEAR HER SHOUT,

“JUST BEND ME OVER EAT ME OUT!”

I’VE GOT THAT HASHING SPIRIT (I’VE GOT THE JOY, JOY, JOY…)

I’VE GOT THAT HASHING SPIRIT DOWN IN MY HEAD,

DOWN IN MY HEAD, DOWN IN MY HEAD.

I’VE GOT THAT HASHING SPIRIT DOWN IN MY HEAD,

DOWN IN MY HEAD TO STAY.

SHE’S GOT THAT HASHING SPIRIT DEEP IN HER THROAT, ETC . . .

WE’VE GOT THAT HASHING SPIRIT DEEP IN THE WOODS, ETC . . .

WE’VE GOT THAT HASHING SPIRIT ALL OVER US, ETC . . .

BALL GAME

WHIP IT OUT AT THE BALL GAME,

WAVE IT ROUND AT THE CROWD,

DIP IT IN JELLO AND CRACKERJACK,

I DON’T CARE IF YOU GIVE IT A WHACK,

BECAUSE IT’S – BEAT YOUR MEAT AT THE BALL GAME,

IF YOU DON’T COME IT’S A SHAME,

FOR IT’S ONE, TWO, AND YOU’RE COVERED IN GOO,

AT THE OLD BALL GAME!

LONG SONGS:

INTERNATIONAL HASH HYMN

SWING LOW, SWEET CHARIOT,

COMING FOR TO CARRY ME HOME,

SWING LOW, SWEET CHARIOT,

COMING FOR TO CARRY ME HOME.

I LOOKED OVER JORDAN

AND WHAT DID I SEE,

COMING FOR TO CARRY ME HOME,

A BAND OF (FUCKIN’) ANGELS COMING AFTER ME,

COMING FOR TO CARRY ME HOME.

IF YOU GET THERE BEFORE I DO,

COMING FOR TO CARRY ME HOME,

TELL ALL MY FRIENDS THAT I’M COMING TOO,

COMING FOR TO CARRY ME HOME.

I’M SOMETIMES UP,

I’M SOMETIMES DOWN

COMING FOR TO CARRY ME HOME

BUT STILL I KNOW, I’M HEAVEN BOUND

COMING FOR TO CARRY ME HOME

YOUR MOM

No one…
Fucks like your mom,
No one sucks like your mom,
No one gives it away for five bucks like your mom,
And yes she’s the best when she’s fornicating,
Oh everyone’s fucking your mom!

—

No one…
Sounds like your mom,
No one pounds like your mom,
No one swallows the cum of hash hounds like your mom,
And fucking her’s simpler than masturbating,
Oh everyone’s fucking your mom!

—

No one…
Creams like your mom,
No one screams like your mom,
No one fucks like the whore of my dreams like your mom,
You can pick any hole she won’t keep you waiting,
Oh everyone’s fucking your mom!

—

No one…
Licks like your mom,
No one’s sick like your mom,
No one fills up her cunt with those dicks like your mom,
You can shit on her tits it’s humiliating,
Oh everyone’s fucking your mom!

—

No one…
Sluts like your mom,
No one struts like your mom,
No one takes it all night in the butt like your mom,
She’s a tramp and a champ when she’s copulating,
Oh everyone’s fucking your mom!

YO HO

I met a harriette on trail one day,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
I met a harriette on trail one day,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
I met a harriette on trail one day,
She said, “Hey hasher, you fancy a lay?
Get it in, get it out, quit fucking about!”
Yo Ho! Yo Ho! Yo Ho!

—

I put my hand upon her toe,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
I put my hand upon her toe,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
I put my hand upon her toe,
She said, “Hey hasher, you’re way too low!
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Yo Ho! Yo Ho! Yo Ho!

—

I put my hand upon her knee,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
I put my hand upon her knee,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
I put my hand upon her knee,
She said, “Hey hasher, quit teasing me!”
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Yo Ho! Yo Ho! Yo Ho!

—

I put my hand upon her thigh,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
I put my hand upon her thigh,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
I put my hand upon her thigh,
She said, “Hey hasher, you’re way too shy!”
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Yo Ho! Yo Ho! Yo Ho!

—

I put my hand upon her tit,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
I put my hand upon her tit,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
I put my hand upon her tit,
She said, “Hey hasher, you’re getting it!”
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Yo Ho! Yo Ho! Yo Ho!

—

I put my hand upon her twat,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
I put my hand upon her twat,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
I put my hand upon her twat,
She said, “Hey hasher, you’ve hit the spot!”
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Yo Ho! Yo Ho! Yo Ho!

—

I put my dick into her mouth,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
I put my dick into her mouth,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
I put my dick into her mouth,
She said, “Mmrphhh mmrfrm fmmrrf mrphhh mmrfrm fmmrrf!”
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Yo Ho! Yo Ho! Yo Ho!

—

And now she’s in a wooden box,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
And now she’s in a wooden box,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
And now she’s in a wooden box,
She died from sucking too many hasher’s cocks!
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Yo Ho! Yo Ho! Yo Ho!

—

We dig her up every now and then,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
We dig her up every now and then,
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
We dig her up every now and then,
We fucked her once, we’ll fuck her again!
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Yo Ho! Yo Ho! Yo Ho!

JESUS CAN’T GO HASHING

JESUS CAN’T GO HASHING ’CUZ HE’S NAILED UPON THE CROSS,

JESUS SAVES, JESUS SAVES, JESUS SAVES.

CHORUS:

FREE BEER FOR ALL THE HASHERS;

JESUS SAVES, JESUS SAVES, JESUS SAVES!

… GO HASHING CUZ HIS FEET ARE TIED TOGETHER!

… GO HASHING ’CUZ HIS DAD KNOWS ALL THE TRAILS!

… GO HASHING ’CAUSE HE’S BUSY GETTING NAILED!

… GO HASHING ’CUZ THE FLOUR FALLS THROUGH HIS HANDS

JESUS DON’T NEED FLOUR ’CUZ HE LAYS THE TRAIL IN BLOOD;

… GO HASHING ’CAUSE JUDAS PISSED HIM OFF!

… GO HASHING ’CAUSE HE’S ONLY GOT 12 FRIENDS!

JESUS CAN’T GET LAID BECAUSE HE HANGS OUT WITH 12 GUYS

MARY CAN’T GO HASHING ‘CUZ SHE’S BUSY FUCKING GOD!

ALL THE GIRLS LOVE JESUS ’CAUSE HE’S HUNG LIKE THIS! (SPREAD OUT ARMS)

ALL THE GIRLS LOVE JESUS ’CAUSE THEY KNOW HE’LL CUM AGAIN

… GO HASHING ’CAUSE SHIGGY ON HIS HEAD!

… GO HASHING ’CAUSE HIS WOOD IS JUST TOO BIG!

… GO HASHING ’CAUSE HIS GIRLFRIEND IS A WHORE!

… GO HASHING ’CAUSE HE TURNS THE BEER TO WINE!

… GO HASHING ’CAUSE HE’S STUCK BEHIND A ROCK!

… GO HASHING ’CAUSE HE SHORTCUTS ACROSS THE LAKE!

… GO HASHING ’CAUSE A JEW WON’T PAY FIVE BUCKS!

… GO HASHING ’CAUSE HE’S MOWING MY FRONT LAWN!

… GO HASHING ‘CAUSE HE GAVE UP BEER FOR LENT

… GO HASHING CUZ IT’S HARD TO DRAG A CROSS

… GO HASHING CUZ MEL GIBSON OWNS HIS RIGHTS

… GO HASHING ‘CAUSE HE STUCK BEHIND A ROCK

… GO HASHING ‘CAUSE THE MOTHERFUCKER’S DEAD

BUDDHA CAN’T GO HASHING BECAUSE HE’S TOO FUCKING FAT.

ELCAMINO

EL CAMINO, EL-EL CAMINO,

WELL THE FRONT IS LIKE A CAR,

AND THE BACK IS LIKE A TRUCK,

THE FRONT IS WHERE YOU DRIVE,

AND THE BACK IS WHERE YOU… FU (CHORUS)

YOU CAN DRIVE IT TO THE BROTHEL,

YOU CAN DRIVE IT TO THE STORE,

THE FRONT YOU PUT YOUR GROCERIES,

THE BACK YOU PUT YOUR … WHOR (CHORUS)

WELL THE FRONT IS WHERE YOU FUCK,

AND THE BACK IS WHERE YOU FUCK,

THE FRONT IS WHERE YOU FUCK

AND THE BACK IS WHERE YOU…FU (CHORUS)

THE BACK RIDES HIGH,

AND THE FRONT RIDES LOW,

I’LL GIVE YOU A FREE RIDE,

IF YOU GIVE ME A… BLO(CHORUS)

YOU CAN PAY WITH WEED,

OR YOU CAN PAY WITH GAS,

IF YOU DON’T HAVE EITHER,

THEN YOU CAN PAY WITH… ASS(CHORUS)

YOU CAN TAKE OUT CLASSY LADIES,

YOU CAN TAKE OUT DIRTY SLUTS,

IN THE FRONT YOU KISS THEM SOFTLY,

IN THE BACK YOU TONGUE THEIR… BU(CHORUS)

YOU CAN DRIVE AN AUTOMATIC,

OR YOU CAN DRIVE A STICK,

DOESN’T MATTER HOW YOU DRIVE IT,

‘CUZ YOU’LL STILL SUCK MY… DI (CHORUS)

SHE CAN RIDE IN THE FRONT

IT’S WHERE I KEEP THE BREAD

WHEN SHE’S DONE MAKING SANDWICHES

SHE CAN GIVE ME… HEA (CHORUS)

IN THE FRONT WE GOT SOME BEER

IN THE BACK WE GOT SOME RUM

I’LL KISS HER IN THE FRONT

IN THE BACK I’LL MAKE HER…CU (CHORUS)

YOU CAN TAKE IT TO THE SHOW

YOU CAN TAKE IT TO THE SCENE

BUT IF YOU WANT TO PARK IN BACK

YOU’RE GONNA NEED SOME VASELI…(CHORUS)

IT’S COVERED IN RUST

AND THE DOORS DON’T LOCK

BUT IT’S GOT A FLAT BED

WHERE YOU CAN RIDE MY CO..(CHORUS)

TAKE HER OUT TO DINNER,

GO TO PUTT-PUTT.

FIRST YOU LET HER WIN,

AND THEN YOU DO HER…BU (CHORUS)

IT MAY NOT BE THE FASTEST.

IT MAY NOT BE THE CLEANEST.

BUT YOU WON’T REALLY CARE,

‘CUZ YOU’LL BE SUCKING ON MY…PE (CHORUS)

THE FRONT IS ALL HYDRAULICS,

AND THE BACK IS ALL FOR SHOCK.

YOU’RE SURE TO FEEL BOTH,

WHILE SHE’S BOUNCING ON YOUR … COC (CHORUS)

CHICKS MIGHT SAY IT’S REALLY GHETTO,

OR THAT YOU GOT NO CLASS.

JUST BEND THEM OVER THE TAILGATE,

AND STICK IT IN THEIR …ASS (CHORUS)

WOODPECKER SONG (TUNE: DIXIE)

I PUT MY FINGER IN THE WOODPECKER’S HOLE,